Toe Socks

 It was 1994 and I was in 7th grade when we went to Minneapolis for a Bible quiz competition with my youth group. My team at the time was comprised of me, Bekkah a tomboy personality who I'd grown up around but never interacted with until that year, and DJ a good-looking preppy senior boy who intimidated me by existing because I was 13. It was the 90's and we were given a lot of freedom, being three teenagers who were literally on a trip to compete with other teenagers answering questions about Bible verses we'd memorized. 

We had a free day after we checked in so the adults decided we'd go to the Mall of America. It hadn't been open for very long and at the time it was kind of THE major attraction in the twin cities area, so we parked on the third level of the parking ramp and set up a plan to meet up at some given time. We didn't have cell phones--correction, most of us didn't have cell phones, our coach had one "for emergencies" that was literally a vinyl padded box about the size of a concrete brick with a receiver and a light-up number panel on the side. It stayed in the vehicle. So the adult chaperones set off to go to their chosen places, and we three teens went exploring. 

Even though I public schooled, I was kind of sheltered and didn't really know much about the world yet because I was only 13. I also had joined the Bible quiz team as an underdog, socially awkward and pretty timid (especially with said hot senior boy), so I really just followed DJ and Beck around without ever talking or expressing anything I wanted to do. I also probably only had about $20 to my name because my parents weren't the sort who sent me out with ample money on trips like this ($20 went a lot further back then, mind you). Bekka really wanted to go to Macey's for some reason so she stopped in there and I think I just waited on a bench while she tried on clothes for a while. We went to some other stores but there was a famous store at the time in that mall which is known for all of the niche stores in the world being in one place: a sock store. Walls of socks of all kinds. I don't really know what interested any of us about this store, but we found ourselves in there and I noticed some socks that I just really needed to have. They had toes. That was what made them stand out. Like gloves, only for toes. I bought them for $10 and we left the store and went on with our day. It's about all I remember about that trip. Our team had to win one of the top slots to make it to nationals so it was actually a really high pressure weekend, but we did make it no thanks to me, and that's a story for another time.

Back to the socks. This was a time in which wearing sandals with socks was one of the biggest fashion faux pas so I'm not really sure what I thought I'd be doing with these socks or what occasion I would wear them for. They were also rainbow stripes and I'm talking like Crayola crayon ROYGBIV but without the orange and purple. I did, however wear them a few times, and I will credit them for introducing me to my two best friends. (Who were not the kids on my Bible quiz team).

Two years later I still had those socks in my drawer to pull out for a special occasion which hadn't hapepned yet. But freshman year of high school I had to go to a bigger school and barely saw any of my small class from middle school (not that I wanted to). I was meeting new people all over the place and completely overwhelmed with how to find actual friends. And then this girl showed up with some pretty cool assessories which included a de-bristled toothbrush melted to wrap around into a bracelet, a spoon handle also turned bracelet, 17 ear piercings and, you guessed it, TOE SOCKS! The very pair I owned and loved. You can believe we became best friends within a few weeks and I'll just confirm that the toe socks were what made me know she was a kindred spirit. We did occasionally whip those socks out for special occasions through high school and I wore them to her funeral years later (see previous post).

Fast-forward yet more years and I was in my college dorm room feeling the same overwhelmed sense of loneliness and uncertainty I had the first week of high school. Having left the security of my best toe-sock wearing friend and everything else I knew and loved, I sort of clung to the things that I knew made me unique. Since no one knew me or had expectations of me, I decided I'd just be fully myself and do whatever I wanted to without worrying about what people thought. My roommate had an A-Game social life so she constantly introduced me to new people. Within the first two weeks I'd met a girl from Northern Minnesota who laughed a lot, liked history, had composed poems about illustrated bird friends who had distinct personalities, and watched all of the same shows I did growing up. I also found out that she too was part of the rainbow striped toe-sock sisterhood. They weren't really possible to find anymore as far as I knew so she'd gotten them around the same time as me. (She also had a pair of lime green socks she'd had since fourth grade Just like me. We kept them around because they'd been around for so long it felt wrong to say goodbye to them). She also became my best friend at college as is coming to visit this very weekend.

The moral of this story is you can know who your real friends are by the socks they wear so choose your socks wisely. The end.

Full Circle

I've been struggling to come up with words to explain what the last two weeks were like. It started with a busy week leading into a last-minute decision to go on the youth group mission trip as an adult leader. The first part of my busy weekend involved a funeral, then a pool party, then a baseball game. Strange combination of mourning and grief, then celebration and family time. The pool party was its own combination as I dealt with emotions of being with my friend who's going through a divorce and the reality of that sinking in hard. The funeral was my friend's father who died kind of quickly from brain cancer. The next morning at church I needed to get away from worship and pray and weep the tears I hadn't been able to the day before.

That afternoon we had another joy-filled event that I'd been anticipating for a long time. Some kids from my class had organized a 20-year reunion. Not my school class, but my youth group. 

I can't even explain the beautiful experience it was. Yes, it was great to see everyone and take that walk down memory lane together. But it was more than that. Our youth pastor created a group where we could all invest, and that kind of leadership allowed all of us to have a place of belonging. We led worship, we planned outreaches, we shared our spiritual growth with each other on trips and retreats. There are bad memories from those times, but overall, there was something really special between us. Being together again, older but the same, was a special feeling I've never had. Feeling accepted and known, mutual affection that the adult world doesn't offer in the same ways. 

We hugged, we laughed, we sang our old songs together. While not everyone articulated it, we had the same beautiful memories that wove us together on our hearts, and we wished for more time together, and for more of us to be there. Standing there singing the best of our old songs, I wanted to capture one of those experiential photographs, just hold on to that moment and return to it whenever I wanted. I wanted a day-long conversation with everyone there. I wanted to listen to everyone's stories and memories and hear where God had taken them in the last 20 years. Alas, there was so little time. But the joy between us was so real and alive. It was precious to be with people who I knew when my faith was still young and being explored, who knew me at vulnerable times and grew with me through those years. They were short years, but impactful. 

I left one week later as an adult leader for my youth group's mission trip. And in those moments we shared together I felt the same beautiful, unique memories being formed for these young people. I wanted so much for them to share the same kinds of bonds that I have with my church friends all those years ago. We experienced some great moments together, and I hope that when they look back it will be with the same fondness and affection that I have toward those years in my life. To have the same joy of pure fellowship. To experience gratitude for where God was leading them at that time. And mostly, that they'll be seeing Jesus at work, woven into every interaction and every memory. 

We sang some old songs on that trip (left photo), songs from when I was in high school. And while we did I thought about my little high school heart, reaching out to God in the only ways I knew how, and all of the places he's taken me since 1999 when I really thought life couldn't get much better. It got better, and everything got deeper. Looking at the students I was with in that moment, I just thanked God for carrying me along and putting me there in that moment, a full-circle face to his goodness and mercy that follows me all the days of my life.